My Life Poetic– Literally

After re-reading some my favorite poems and remembering the experiences of some the great poetic voices that have come before me, I felt compelled to compose a poetic collage of those poetic moments of experience that  have become relevant in my own actual life experience. And it is only fitting that I felt inspired to write this “homage” of sorts during National Poetry Month…

The following poem is very much  a work in progress–and I can honestly say I am looking forward to this revision process and the possibilities it could transform into.

My Life Poetic– Literally

I dove down into the wreck

And from its depths resurfaced

Alive, exhausted.

Headed into the oven, inhaled its fumes-

Yet pulled out in time

A synchronous timing of oxygenated insight:

The legacy left, an unintentional gift, from another mother’s plight.

Prepared with my flashlight gripped tightly in hand,

And clickity-click heels on my feet-

I un-quietly will find my way out of this night.

See, I have beaten my path on the roads less taken.

I travelled to Babylon, employed as a whore.

Acquired a cumbersome weight, and continued on.

Slouching into Bethlehem, I came to bore my fertile sin.

A “beast” they proclaimed when it arrived.

Still it was mine. I wouldn’t let go-

And I cradled my child close to my breast.

Borrowing re-blog worthy parenting advice– a little behavioral management can go a long way

I found this excellent post by fellow mom & blogger Krissy Sherman on her blog  b-inspiredmama.com. Below are my three favorite tips of the 18 she lists.  As a single parent, it is imperative to be consistent with discipline– and this post provides some great general guidelines to help maintain that vigilance. The direct link to her post is: http://www.sverve.com/tip/1361287114996

 

Every Child is Different
“One key to remember is that all children are different. That being said we use positive behavior and reinforcement followed up with logical consequences at our house. I’ll be sharing a lot more about Parenting a Strong Willed Child in March and the tools I’ve used over the years.” Kim of The Educators’ Spin On It

 

Mean What You Say & Say What You Mean”
“One of the best tips for behavior management I learning while teaching was to always ‘mean what you say and say what you.’ This little mantra has helped me as a parent, also, to remember to be clear and consistent with my expectations and consequences and always follow through with what I say.” Krissy of B-Inspired Mama

 

 

Focus on the Cause of Behavior
“Acting badly or in a way that parents don’t like, is a symptom of something deeper. Sometimes when your kid does something naughty it feels like they have done it on purpose to make you angry. But that is not likely to be the case. There are times when Goblin does something that he knows he shouldn’t do and I find myself wondering whether he did it just to get a rise out of me. It would be easy just to apply discipline methods to the symptom, the action that made you angry. But if you look deeper at why they did it you can often treat the cause and that will be more effective at stopping the behaviour for longer.” The Monko ofTaming the Goblin (Find more positive parenting techniques at Taming the Goblin.)

 

 

 

This an excellent article providing general detail about the reality of proceedings in family law cases–and no it is not what you expect it would be.

pmashilohlopez

The Crisis in Family Law Courts

Also See The nafcj.net

There is a national crisis for women and their children in the family law courts of this country. Affirmed by experts and leaders in the women’s movement,
the existence of this crisis is verified by women in every state who report injustice in their family law cases, especially battered mothers trying to
protect their children from abusive fathers who aggressively litigate against them, using family court to stalk, harass, punish, and impoverish their former
partners and children. NOW recognizes this crisis for women and their children and seeks to address discrimination against women in family courts.

The information presented here has been compiled by the National NOW Family Law Advisory Ad Hoc Committee. Created in April 2004, this all-volunteer committee is comprised
of parents, grandparents, activists, paralegals, organizers, attorneys, and advocates from across the nation devoting their collective experience…

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As I attempt to preserve the well-being of my children within the confines of Family Court and a society in denial about the prevalence of sexual abuse, I am very thankful for bloggers like the one whose post is above. Parents need to be aware that the fate of their family is most often determined before they ever set foot in the courtroom. Too often parents (most often the mother) are blindsided by the rulings passed down in custodial disputes. Prior to my involvement with Family Court, I assumed custody rulings where one  parent demonstrated abusive behavior would typically rule in the favor of the protective parent. However, a simple Google search of custody rulings and abuse will be a real eye-opener.

Let's Get Honest! Blog: Absolutely Uncommon Analysis of Family & Conciliation Courts' Operations, Practices, & History

(Originally published 2/5/2013) A key issue in the courts includes sexual assault and violence towards women and children. This has also been a key issue with psychoanalysis. 

Below the introduction, most of the post is about the Stunning Validation, but I keep it current and relevant –because it is! — to the subject matter of this blog.  

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Poetic Ponderings Fall 2012

October 1, 2012

Respiration

Drowning in the restraints of detachment

Suffocating in the reliance of faulty equipment

A respirator cannot circulate the air due to a tubing error…

when you choke on the forced artificiality down your throat

wake up to awareness that inside your chest are functioning lungs—

The ability to breathe on your own was never lost—

But the attachment to this failing constructed machine feeds the oxygen deprivation

And the sparks of currents flowing through the mind grow dim and slow.

Embrace the discomfort, let instinct take over, choke on the hardness shoved inside and rip it out—

Rip it out, cough up the debris and feel your first real breath—air striking the raw lining of your throat.

Jolting shocks, increased currents all disconcerting, all temporary and momentary.

Too soon this newness will pass, and purposeful action transforms into automation

Another ability taken for granted if not wise, so keep that plastic piece your lips once encased

A souvenir of what was and is not.

November 9, 2012

Quarantined

Despite what may on the surface show,

Underneath, is a heart–

firmly ensnared  on barbs of grief and sorrow.

I am a lie.

Optimistic aloofness, detached candor—all just parts and lines

of a script on a stage where I out in the open hide.

Beneath this resilient facade is a fatal wound—

penetrating and deep.

Inflammatory response brought a flood of white hot rage filling in the gaping hole,

Then encapsulated the afflicted area with Kevlar intent—

no salvage required, only preventive isolation.

Though shielded in hi-tech, hard-core protective gear; on occasion a symptom appears—

A valve loosens

under constant pressure, a serous byproduct of the interaction between rage and injury,  leaks…

But no fear—my responders are most vigilant–

Unwavering in their adherence to protocol, fully carrying out the ordered procedure.

Quarantine efforts have not been breached.

— at present.

(Though rumors fly– an impending pandemic event has an inevitable nature.)

When will starting over ever end?

(this is reposted from a blog I started on Myspace)
I’m not sure how many incomplete blogs I’ve created out there in cyberspace with an entry, maybe two. And it doesn’t really matter either, because I’m here now starting another one.

Maybe I’m just stubborn, some would look over several failed attempts to commit the writing of a continuous series of blog entries and say forget it— but not me, I don’t know how to not keep starting over, whether I’m blogging or participating in any other everyday activity. In the not so recent past, there were several attempts to launch from that point in the life cycle where we make the transition into living as adults responsible for the well-being of other human beings, that were not so successful.

Today, it seems we (we-referring to my little family of self, husband, and 3 year old son) have gained a fair amount of distance between ourselves and the land below since our last launch– yet, turbulence still tends to be the ever-present foe threatening the progress we’ve thus managed.

I am compelled to write about these recent experiences, because while I was living those worst of times I unintentionally placed myself into isolation. I do not know if it was out of shame, or stubbornness, or perhaps an innate knowledge possessed by some American Indian tribes who send their youth who are coming of age on a quest with nothing but the clothes on their back– that I allowed this aloneness to happen. For 2 years, I lived in darkness groping for something solid and familiar feeling to determine the way back to light.

I finally have emerged from that place of blackness– and my senses have returned— though are still adjusting. I still catch myself every now and then squinting when I am in the presence of the most subdued light.

I know I am not alone in this aloneness I triumphed over— and I think we are all given a time in our life where we choose or are forced to take a sabbatical from the momentum of our life’s progress– after talking and meeting all kinds of people throughout these past three years I have heard story after story of similar circumstances. The person who talks about this experience seems in no way connected to the person they describe who had underwent this terrible ordeal or had made these horrific mistakes.

The thing is that we never expect to go through an experience in life where we will emerge as someone very much changed— and we somehow become completely detached from the person and circumstances that we had identified with. So, in some ways I am a little bitter about the isolation I created, because I did miss out on the good and bad things that happened to many people who I care deeply about. And I have to acknowledge that some of the distance that grew between the friends & family I withdrew from may never be as close as it was prior.

But regardless of the damage that may be unable to be repaired, there is a whole future for me to continue trying to repair past damages and to create new relationships– there is still much ahead. Being in a place where I can count on the next several years passing in a predictable manner probably isn’t going to happen. I only know where I will work for the next year— and even that I may have to add on to– but as far as where my career job is going to be and what it even is, remains to be seen. At least now I am at a place where I can be okay with, and even enjoy, figuring It out. The person who loved to plan out every phase of her life— I cannot tell you how many 10-year plans I created, revised, rejected, and recreated since I was 14…. in these plans included details on how I was going to live life as a marine biologist, pediatrician, science or English teacher, massage therapist and even an actress. And even though none of those career paths played out, I do feel that I have had the opportunity to experience situations where I have performed the duties of the above occupations.

So with all things considered– I think after surviving mental breakdowns, the consequences of illegal activity, parents and in-laws, and life and death of the people you love most— and
still possessing a somewhat positive perspective on life and a healthy and mostly happy family, I deserve to feel good about what I have achieved— I survived. In 2 months time our family has gained a foundation to stand on. No more living with parents or waiting on someone else to do something so we can move forward. Both my husband and I have positions where we can support our family while providing support to the community– and we finally felt confident enough in our position and future to finance a vehicle (a used one of course)— all the circumstances and living situations of the not so recent past already seem so far removed from the existence of what is now our daily life– though we may not have 6 figures, a new house, or 2009 Family car of the year— we have ourselves, we a Start!