Back on the road and not white-knuckling the steering wheel…

After a much needed rest stop, I’m finally back behind the steering wheel. Even though there may be some challenging parts ahead in my current course, I feel confident my navigational skills will get me where I need to be.

The next phase of my “so-called life” has officially begun…

In October 2011, I could no longer ignore that my marriage was on a destructive course. I had known that the relationship was very strained between my husband and me. However, when my 6-year-old son shared with me the turmoil he was struggling with due to the relationship he had with his dad, I knew a drastic change of course was necessary.

Fortunately, both of my parents were there for me and my children when I actually took the action to leave my husband in November 2011. I had too optimistically hoped back in October that our separation would be temporary– that my husband would leave the house while we all sought out counseling to sort things out and take the time to heal. However, after a month of promising to leave and seek therapy, my husband never followed through. But, I did. Ironically, the moment when I felt most like a grown-up was when at 34, I moved back to my hometown at my parents’ house with two little ones in tow.

From November 2011-June 2012, the pace of our new course really sped up. I secured a a decent full-time position almost immediately after relocating. Despite moving away and starting a new school, my son made great strides in counseling learning how to appropriately manage the emotional turmoil that had been overwhelming him.  Additionally,  my son went from struggling to read at his 1st grade level, to ending the school year reading at a 4th grade level. Yes, this detour proved to be emotionally exhausting–but my son and I became happier people somehow.

Yet, in June 2012, life was about to take another sudden detour– the kind you are forced to take because the road you were driving on ends, marked by the jarring parade of  fluorescent orange signs,flags and flashing sirens .  It’s the obvious result of the road meeting with a catastrophic event. And it was such an occurrence that happened to our family in the end of June.

While I worked full-time, I was fortunate to have my mom (my best friend, in fact) take care of my children. With her watching my children, I could work with my mind at ease, knowing that my children would not be lacking in the love and attention a mom could provide. However, my mother was also a Type-1 Diabetic, and had already lost both her legs and suffered many complications as the disease ravaged her body. For the two years prior, she hadn’t had any major health issues. In fact, she was more active and healthy than she had ever been. But on June 25, she had a typical episode of a her blood sugar bottoming out– the kind she would always bounce back from in a day or two at most. It was with that mindset that I took it for granted that this event wasn’t anything my mom couldn’t overcome. I was sorely mistaken. On June 27, while at home she took a sudden turn–and I knew when I dialed 911 that this trip to ER was not going to have the typical outcome. She slipped away right in front of me– we were just loading the car to take my mom to the hospital, when my mom went from conscious and talking to completely unresponsive.

It was 1 pm, when I made that fateful call. It was then I already knew by the wrenching of my gut that I would never get to tell my mom “I love you” or even “good-bye”. At 10:22 pm, I got confirmation of what truth my heart already knew. It was that moment and every one that has come since that has really shown me what as a “grown-up” I was truly capable of doing.

We were not prepared in any way for her sudden death, emotionally and financially. My dad and I were given till the end of March 2013 to find another home–the home that was purchased as a gift for my parents needed to be sold ASAP. I could not afford reliable childcare that could accommodate my awkward work schedule–and my work was not able to offer me a schedule that the one childcare source I had available could offer. During the summer and fall of 2012, I found myself facing unemployment, homelessness, while maintaining some semblance of normalcy for my children.

Today, all of the uncertainty presented courtesy of that detour is finally in my rear-view mirror. I found my voice and my sense of direction. My children and I are enjoying a home we can call our own, free of eggshell carpeting. And I am enjoying the fruits of my resourcefulness, as I free-lance my talents and appreciate this time to truly explore my vocational endeavors.

As I continue to drive away from the wreckage of the past– with its reflection continuing to get smaller and smaller in my rear-view mirror– I know that the reflection will always be there even when my eye can no longer discern it. I know there will be moments when I will want to focus on that image, momentarily losing my focus on the road ahead. The key word here is “momentary”. By always remembering to keep my attention on the drive and how my hands are steering wheel– I will keep what I have already overcome where it belongs, and not coming up on me later to splatter across my windshield.
Continue reading

I should not be able to pick the man your ex-wife left you for out of a line-up based entirely on our discussion during a 40 minute job interview

I should not be able to pick the man your ex-wife left you for out of a line-up based entirely on our discussion during a 40 minute job interview.

Great practical advice to heed–and I feel compelled to share with my readers who, like me, are in a period of starting over. As I pursue another employment venture this weekend–I’ll remember to keep the drama at my blog and people skills at the job.

The act of loving performed sitting, standing, or dancing…

On this Valentine’s, I choose to see how blessed I am to have so many people in my life to love and be loved by.

A Valentine's message to the single parent.

A Valentine’s message to the single parent.

I also reflect on the great loves I have been honored to witness, such as the one shared between my parents. Even though my mom passed away last June, she was and always will be my dad’s dancing partner.

 

Still dancing...

Still dancing…

Remember your relationship status does not have to determine the love in your life—celebrate the love in your life today, regardless of its source ♥

Another article to add to my arsenal of awareness– and a great starting place to acquire additional facets of research to expose how and why so many family law cases are not ruling in favor of the child(en) involved.

pmashilohlopez

Posted: March 09, 1999
1:00 am Eastern

By Judith A.  Reisman, Ph.D.
© 2011 WND

On June 25, 1996, noting that “criminals have more rights than victims,” Bill Clinton called for a “Victim’s Right’s Amendment” to the U.S.  Constitution. Fifteen years prior, Ronald Reagan prefaced the 1981 California  DoJ Crime Victims Handbook saying, “For most of the past thirty years …  justice has been unreasonably tilted in favor of criminals and against their  innocent victims … a tragic era … when victims were forgotten and crimes  were ignored.”This “tragic era” of U.S. justice was working overtime March 1, at 8 p.m., at  the Texas Senate, where Bill 208 was on the fast track for passage. The bill,  purported as a tool to further protect battered women and children, would  actually permit criminal abusers — yes, violent offenders and incest abusers — to receive sole legal custody of the children they…

View original post 1,563 more words

This an excellent article providing general detail about the reality of proceedings in family law cases–and no it is not what you expect it would be.

pmashilohlopez

The Crisis in Family Law Courts

Also See The nafcj.net

There is a national crisis for women and their children in the family law courts of this country. Affirmed by experts and leaders in the women’s movement,
the existence of this crisis is verified by women in every state who report injustice in their family law cases, especially battered mothers trying to
protect their children from abusive fathers who aggressively litigate against them, using family court to stalk, harass, punish, and impoverish their former
partners and children. NOW recognizes this crisis for women and their children and seeks to address discrimination against women in family courts.

The information presented here has been compiled by the National NOW Family Law Advisory Ad Hoc Committee. Created in April 2004, this all-volunteer committee is comprised
of parents, grandparents, activists, paralegals, organizers, attorneys, and advocates from across the nation devoting their collective experience…

View original post 1,108 more words

As I attempt to preserve the well-being of my children within the confines of Family Court and a society in denial about the prevalence of sexual abuse, I am very thankful for bloggers like the one whose post is above. Parents need to be aware that the fate of their family is most often determined before they ever set foot in the courtroom. Too often parents (most often the mother) are blindsided by the rulings passed down in custodial disputes. Prior to my involvement with Family Court, I assumed custody rulings where one  parent demonstrated abusive behavior would typically rule in the favor of the protective parent. However, a simple Google search of custody rulings and abuse will be a real eye-opener.

Let's Get Honest! Absolutely Uncommon Analysis of Family & Conciliation Courts' Operations, Practices, & History

(Originally published 2/5/2013) A key issue in the courts includes sexual assault and violence towards women and children. This has also been a key issue with psychoanalysis. 

Below the introduction, most of the post is about the Stunning Validation, but I keep it current and relevant –because it is! — to the subject matter of this blog.  

Post title: A Stunning Validation by Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson: The Assault on Truth, The Origins of Psychoanalysis (w/ case-sensitive shortlink ending “-1k8” …about 10,000 words long)

The key, or leading edge, feature OF these courts includes therapeutic jurisprudence, attempting to resolve conflict through addition of behavioral health professionals, the fields in which Dr. Nicholas J. Cummings has dedicated much of his life to preserving the business and economic well-being of, to the point that a Wall Street Journal article reported, not too many years ago, that — doctors and hardcore professionals aside, among the…

View original post 10,602 more words

Wanna go for a ride???

At some point in our life’s journey, we get so off course in that the only road ahead looks like a dead-end. But if you remember to look behind, the road is still going on far into the distance.

Well, directly in front of me, that metaphorical “dead-end” is staring me down. Instead of giving in to its intimidating glare by turning off the ignition and sheepishly handing over my keys, I rev the engine up and turn the car around.

A substantial amount of backtracking lies ahead– and I take it on without resentment. In fact, with this turn-around, I’m going to take in  the scenery I previously missed and avoid all roads I know to be signed with “Dangerous Curves Ahead”.

And I am inviting you to be my passenger as I navigate these back roads towards my intended destination.

To check in on my progress please visit the Navigation Narration page of this blog.

The journey starts effective of this post’s publication…

A precious artifact discovered strolling down memory lane…

While performing some archaeological digging into my online publication presence I uncovered this precious little gem. This particular poem holds a great deal of personal meaning for myself– admittedly, it is not written in the style or tone I typically write. In fact, it is full of overdone cliches and metaphors. Despite its flaws, it ranks as one of my favorites. Unknown to me while I was writing this I was in fact pregnant with my 1st child. My son was an unexpected miracle– from his conception to birth. However, while writing this my mind only knew that conceiving a child without medical intervention was not going to happen– but my soul somehow recognized the life growing inside me and gave birth to the poem below.

Written October 10, 2004

Harvesting Autumn in a Word Basket

Only in Autumn do leaves fade into Brilliance-
Each leaf unique, devoid of being purely green.

It is in Autumn a bountiful harvest is celebrated—
Hand-woven baskets overflow with tree-ripened apples,
Indian corn ready to have its colorful kernels popped,
and a variety of gourds that amuse in both their shapes and names.

The Day of the Dead is acknowledged by pumpkins carved
with faces, both light-heartedly mocking and menacing,
displayed in warm soft-lit neighborhood windows.
As the lights from these shallow-shelled lanterns glow-
passerbys ponder what constitutes the soul.
Couples are seen walking, along maple and oak tree-lined streets-
snuggly bound in coordinating woolen sweaters, knit hats, and flannel-lined pants,

still seeking out warmth by holding hands.

A crisp breeze tickles and burns only their cheeks,
Because the tips of their noses are already numb.
Their nostrils still functioning, inhale the Essence of Fall,
an arid elixir of decaying leaves and clear star-nighted brightness.
It instantly intertwines with their innermost membranes,
carried through their nasal passageways, down through the throat, finally settling a flaming chill deep within their chests.
Together the walkers’ shuffling feet and dried leaves meet into a rhythmic rustle.
Throughout Autumn—
Leaves continue to fall off of branches, seeming so high they touch the clear-blue in the sky, dancing with the wind even after they settle to their places on the ground.

The amber-hued Earth is undressing herself during this time of withering fruitfulness— Preparing for the penetration of life still two seasons away.

Poetic Ponderings Fall 2012

October 1, 2012

Respiration

Drowning in the restraints of detachment

Suffocating in the reliance of faulty equipment

A respirator cannot circulate the air due to a tubing error…

when you choke on the forced artificiality down your throat

wake up to awareness that inside your chest are functioning lungs—

The ability to breathe on your own was never lost—

But the attachment to this failing constructed machine feeds the oxygen deprivation

And the sparks of currents flowing through the mind grow dim and slow.

Embrace the discomfort, let instinct take over, choke on the hardness shoved inside and rip it out—

Rip it out, cough up the debris and feel your first real breath—air striking the raw lining of your throat.

Jolting shocks, increased currents all disconcerting, all temporary and momentary.

Too soon this newness will pass, and purposeful action transforms into automation

Another ability taken for granted if not wise, so keep that plastic piece your lips once encased

A souvenir of what was and is not.

November 9, 2012

Quarantined

Despite what may on the surface show,

Underneath, is a heart–

firmly ensnared  on barbs of grief and sorrow.

I am a lie.

Optimistic aloofness, detached candor—all just parts and lines

of a script on a stage where I out in the open hide.

Beneath this resilient facade is a fatal wound—

penetrating and deep.

Inflammatory response brought a flood of white hot rage filling in the gaping hole,

Then encapsulated the afflicted area with Kevlar intent—

no salvage required, only preventive isolation.

Though shielded in hi-tech, hard-core protective gear; on occasion a symptom appears—

A valve loosens

under constant pressure, a serous byproduct of the interaction between rage and injury,  leaks…

But no fear—my responders are most vigilant–

Unwavering in their adherence to protocol, fully carrying out the ordered procedure.

Quarantine efforts have not been breached.

— at present.

(Though rumors fly– an impending pandemic event has an inevitable nature.)

The 32 year old teenager…

Even the recent birth of my second child has not convinced me I am officially an adult. I am a victim of a my apathetic generation– one of those who somehow did not get their feet firmly planted while they entered in adulthood. Still, I remain clueless as to what I want to be when I grown up–  my mind has not grasped the idea that am an adult, at the age where I am expected to have it together– haha. At least, I know I am not the only one of my generation afflicted by this condition. In fact, I know of many older adults, my mom for example, that find themselves in a professional limbo.